I cant sleep, this morning I was ready for a good start to the day; it felt like it was gonna be a good day....until someone *** me up.
What I ended up doing was casually piss that someone off and when I was eventually confronted, it turned out that person was as much an asshole as I was.
Our words exchanged were bitter and unresolved.
Tonight I found myself replaying today's events over and over in my head, constantly trying to justify my actions, soon those thoughts turned to hate and revenge.
I thought of things I didn't think I was capable of, scary things, horrible EVIL things.
What in hell have I become. This isn't me.
I realised, I wasn't angry at that person. I was angry at myself, what I did was selfish, ignorant and rude... and I made things worse because I was afraid.
Afraid to do the right thing.
No longer do I try to justify what I did or even hope turn back the clock.
I hope for a chance to earn back that persons respect ...and maybe... hope to be forgiven
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About Me
- Jonny
- Cardiff, South Wales, United Kingdom
- If you are reading this then you have found the secret code
5 comments:
People make mistakes. The fact that you went through the process to actually figure that out is amazing. So many people just go on doing crappy things and thinking nothing of it. If you're sincere, and if the other person was at fault as much as you were as you said, I'm sure they'll find a way to forgive.
I hope everything gets sorted out :-)
-Kristen
Hey Mate. Yeah, I've done it too. Sometimes I just turn into this Jackass who's sarcastic remarks and overbearing attitude smacks its victims repeatedly. You are such a nice guy, though. I think it will be alright.
Hey Jonny - anger. It's a postive energy - just channel it into something creative. We all fight the demon, sometimes it's easier to roll over and die - but I always wish I fought back!
Check my band. I'm a goth girl with guitar. Dani x
www.myspace.com/defianceofgod
It was first thing in the morning. You weren't really awake and thinking straight.
You know you're not really like that. Apologise and move on, mate. Hugs.
Sounds like it didn't really take you all that long to come around. The best help I've ever read on this sort of thing (the monster we all have within) is Eckhart Tolle's writing on the 'pain body.'
You can find it in "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth."
Anyway, you rock.
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